goodbye, my friend.

This is probably not the type of a blog post that I expected to write in here. It certainly isn't nice, happy or cozy, but it is too important for me to not write about it. 

Earlier this week, my nineteen year old cat Mandy passed away.

I knew that she was old and that her time here with us will run out soon. I've been preparing myself for it for several years now. But no matter how much I tried to prepare, the reality hit me hard.

Many times she became sick and I thought that she will not make it, but the fighter she was, she always managed to get out of it, no matter how bad it looked. 

Even when she couldn't walk, eat or drink without our help during her last days, she was still trying and had an immense will to live. 

I would be happier if she could calmly die in her sleep, but we had no other choice than to take her to the vet and put her down there. The fact that she didn't know what was going on and was scared of being there makes me so sad. We couldn't explain to her what was happening, nor we could tell her that everything is going to be okay. We could only gently pat her and wait for her suffering to end.

We decided to bury her by ourselves. Something about being able to say goodbye to her for the last time was more comforting than leaving her at the vet with some stranger.

The place is a bit far away, but it was the only place where we could bury her without any disturbance. 

On her grave we put a small cross made out of spatulas used for waxing. I doubt that it will withstand the test of time, but it was something that I requested, because I wanted her to have a proper grave.

It feels lonely without her now. For all these years I've been with her almost every day and now it feels like something in my life is missing. Sometimes I think that I see her sleeping on my bed, only to realize that it's just a pile of clothes lying there. 

She was very cuddly and would often accompany me while I was working, or just reading, playing games or watching TV. 

She was also very smart, although sometimes it drove me crazy, such as her skill of opening doors and drawers. She would then hide in my underwear and make it fall on the floor, or she would wake me up in ungodly hours and so on. But she was still the best cat I could ever had and now I smile whenever I remember her shenanigans and crazy thing she has done.

Goodbye, my friend.